My brothers and I listened with rapt attention to my father’s tales when we were children. Eyes wide, he conjured images of beauty and daring-do that taxed the imagination. As we grew older my brothers and I began to suspect a certain degree of embellishment on my father’s part. But we listened all the same.
Eventually, the arrogance of the teenage male and our lack of understanding of Arab culture set in, and we began to roll our eyes in disbelief. My father had insisted on assimilation into the western world and we knew only an American perspective.
In later years we began our search for our family’s identity and, in doing so, set upon a voyage of self-discovery. We found that much of what our father had told us could indeed be corroborated. So in us grew a new appreciation for our parents and the lives they led.
Still, some other of my father’s tales had a certain air of grandiosity that could not be entirely ignored. The size of the fruit to be found in the orchards of his home village or the speed of the horses to be found on the neighboring plains were fantastical in the description. Anything normally thought of as small, for example, a cherry, would be described as “like this” as our father presented his fist to illustrate the size comparison.
I have come to understand that such exaggeration was not created from the distant memory of Dad’s childhood. After all, everything is bigger seen through the eyes of a child. There was a cultural norm at work here that I did not previously appreciate.
I recently read a declassified CIA document and a book it was partially based upon that tried to characterized Arab behavior. The document sought to compare and contrast Western culture with that of the Middle East and the Far East for purpose of explaining to Western operatives why Arabs behave as they do.
A great emphasis is placed on “face” and personal dignity in Arab culture. Such face is valued above objective truth and an Arab’s dignity is paramount. The author of the CIA document emphasizes the importance of cultural relativism, making the case that other cultures can only be truly understood within their own contexts and value systems. The article continues regarding exaggerations and prevarication:
Entertaining delusions of grandeur, claiming to be persecuted, magnifying faults in others that one wants to hide in oneself, calling constantly for resurgence of past greatness … is manifested in every Arabic political newspaper and among individuals in day to day intercourse. It cannot be considered abnormal in the Arab cultural setting. …The westerner who, recognizing in the Arab the personality traits which in Western culture signify paranoia or inferiority complex, is pleased with himself for being able to ‘see through the Arab’s attempts at deceit and trickery and his lies’ shows his lack of appreciation of the face concept in the Arab culture.
The document predictably reflects the racism inherent in the political and social thought of the mid-sixties and extending into the present, but highlights an important distinction between cultures and is contemporaneous with my father’s generation.
In her book published in 1960, “Temperament and Character of the Arabs”, author Dr. Sania Hamady, describes Arab character and culture. While her description is not flattering from a Western perspective and might be written off as the product of a self-hating Arab, there is a thread of cultural truth running throughout her book.
She notes that a cardinal evil is to be put to shame in one’s own tent or street or village or tribe…ostentation, flattery, dissimulation, boasting, exaggeration, even lying are considered acceptable, even respectable by Arabs, provided they achieve the desired objective and preserve face and dignity.
He boasts, he exaggerates, he walks and talks with an arrogant air…There is an old Arab proverb: “Thousands of ladders do not reach his head. . . .”). Deep within him, the Arab is desperately sensitive, a “dreamer,”…
Sania Hamady was born in Lebanon. She was educated first in Arab and French schools, then at the American College for Women and the American University in Beirut. She lived for some years in Syria, taught Arabic, French, and English in Baghdad. In her travels, she met hundreds of fellow students from six Arab states during eight subsequent years of training in the United States.
Sociologist, anthropologist, and psychologist, she earned a master’s degree from Michigan State, a Ph.D. in Chicago, and became U. S. citizen in the late 1950s. In that regard, she followed a similar educational and immigration course as my parents. Professor Hamady drew on personal and family experiences to paint her picture. Her book is often referenced by those writing from an anti-Arab racist perspective.
That the Arab culture is different from the west is undeniable. The differences lead to behaviors that are nearly inexplicable to the Western mind and negative at face value. However, viewed from within the context of the culture it comes recognizable as a social norm. Failure to appreciate the differences will inevitably lead to a negative conclusion regarding Arab behavior. Growing up I was unaware of these cultural differences. Even as an adult, I failed to understand at first. This led to me dismissing some of my father’s stories and very nearly missing an opportunity to know more of the origins of our family.
I had been interpreting my father’s stories from the only perspective I knew, the Western culture in which I had come of age. The idea of exaggerating and embellishing a life story is not only common in Arab culture but inherent to it. Rather than struggle against the disparities and aggrandizements of my father’s tales, I see them in a new and softer light. Best to relax and enjoy the ride.
- Naffsinger, P., 2020. ‘Face’ Among The Arabs — Central Intelligence Agency. [online] Cia.gov. Available at: [Accessed 25 September 2020].
- Hamady, Sania; Temperament and Character of the Arabs, Twayne Publishers, New York. 1960.